I Have a Proposition
by Ramen-covered Hentai
Summary: The Fanfiction authors The Black Moon and Darcia Plushie want to write a funny fanfiction. rated for Language, kidnapping, Sesshynudity and legattaching. mostly IY
1. Prelude

Welcome to the fanfiction written by Darcia Plushie and The Black Moon.

The story's title is actually the title of the e-mail Darcia Plushie first sent The Black Moon when she got the idea for a fanfiction about _writing_ a fanfiction.

Included shall be celebrities, book characters, characters from other anime, horrible horrible character death and language. Many languages of the colourful and not-so-colourful type.

Anyhow. READ. Be happy.

-----------Prelude.

A younger-looking woman fiddled with her obi, unused to it but still rather fond of what she was wearing. She glanced to the dark corner in the otherwise well-lit room and smiled.

"I see you're here. I was starting to wonder, Blackeh!"

The woman in the corner smiled a bit, looking up from her crouching position. "Likewise," she stood slowly, still partially hidden by the shadows, "where've you been, Plushie?"

The Ylfinger grinned. "Where else but a certain man's leg?"

She then smiled and stretched up, shaking herself like a dog. "I have a proposition for you, by the way."

The eyes of the shadowed woman lit up slightly, bemused, "oh?" She came forth from the darkness a little, "really, now?"

Plushie smiled again, seeming rather pleased with her idea.

"We're going to write a fanfiction."

-

-


	2. Living in a Van Down by the River

-----------Chapter One; _Living in a van down by the river..._

"I can't believe we're doing this." Black groaned softly, trudging alongside Plushie to their destination. "I cannot believe we're doing this..."

"I am NOT going 300 miles to where everyone else happens to be since we're here anyways, so we're going to have to make do..." Plushie said, shrugging.

The way to Totosai's forge was painful, and Plushie couldn't help but think of what she had been doing during Black's absence.

"_Itaisen_..." she giggled in remembrance, and Black nudged her, a stunned look on her face.

"Well," Plushie mused, "I guess we won't have to force him to do it, eh?"

Black sighed, "I still say they won't be all too willing about that, anyways..." Brushing her own arguements aside, she continued walking on, at a pace that a snail may have envied.

Plushie grinned. "But this--this is gold, Blackeh."

Totosai was humming, doing a ritualistic dance dressed up as a geisha. He staggered over and plastered himself on Black, who was now passed a horrified expression and Plushie was sure she would die from the look upon her friend's face.  
"GET OFF ME, YOU PSYCHO!" The woman began trying to both pry him off and slaughter him at the same time, her friend doubled up behind her in hysterical laughter.

After the Ylfinger was well enough to talk, she made a strange poking-motion with her hand.

"Do that shadow-pokey thing! You know...like that time with Kyo! THAT WAS SO COOL!"

The old man appeared to be drunk, and his bug eyes fluttered. "Would you...forge a--"

Plushie giggled as Black screamed and Totosai fell to the ground with ashes flying up around him. His blackened foot twitched for a moment. A minute later, having regained some of his mind, he sat up, blinking. "What...Well that feels better...I suppose..."

Black stiffened. "Yeah, I _suppose _that you don't want me to kill you, now..."

Plushie sighed, kicking aside a few clods of soot with one foot, and when she couldn't pick up her other foot to regain her balance, she swore.

"Uh...Blacknesses, if we aren't too busy playing with the old man I am in need of your assistance. My boot is melting."

Totosai chuckled, soon gagging and coughing out soot. "Serves you right, missy!"

Plushie rolled her eyes and chucked a molten rock at him, effectively knocking him over into the ashes left by his previous landing.

Both she and Black smirked, the latter making her way over to her friend, taking her time.

"Uh, could you HURRY!"

And much to Black's surprise, it wasn't Plushie that said that.

Turning around, they found that it was none other than Gackt.

"You know, I _vaaaaguely _remember Plushie mentioning something about your leg earlier..." Black's usual deadpan face returned to her, after all traces of giddiness had fled.

Plushie, after managing to free her now barbequed foot, had attached herself to the aforementioned leg and was rubbing her face against his knee.

"...That Jakotsu man must have given me the wrong directions on purpose...Fucker..." Gackt said, glancing around.

Black frowned slightly, "Why would HE want to get rid of YOU? Isn't he...like...man crazy for hot guys or something?" She looked down at Plushie, whom was obviously quite content with her current position.

Gackt sighed. "I look too much like a woman for his taste."

Plushie rambled on contentedly. "mmm no...Gaku niiiiice."

And then she paused.

"Wait. you sounded pretty dissapointed about that..."

Gackt's eyes widened a little, then looked down slowly to the woman attached to his leg. "Ummm...I'm not all too happy with the fact that I look like a woman?"

Black sighed, "heeeeere we go... want me to kill 'im or do you just want to maim him for a _really_ long time...alone."

Plushie grinned devilishly, a plan was forming...

"I think I'll maim him, thank you."

Gackt raised an eyebrow. "Is that Plushie-language for something?"

"Hey, how did you know?"

Plushie started to drag Gackt off but Black stopped them.

"No no no! NOT what I had in mind!"

Gackt seemed relieved, but Plushie hung her head in dissapointment.

Black ran up to Plushie, holding a whip in her left hand. "Here. Take this with you."

A weird grin crossed Gackt's face as Plushie took the whip and ran off giggling with glee, dragging Gackt along.

Soon she was back, though, a confused look on her face (not to mention everyone else's.)

Arching a brow, Black questioned her, "What the hell happened? I thought you'd be gone for another million years or so."

Totosai who had fallen asleep soon after Gackt's arival, after recooperating from Plushie's attack, of course, stopped snoring and blinked tiredly at the lady before them. "What happened?"

"...I forgot how to operate one of these..." she says, wiggling the whip around a bit. Gackt watched it wiggle...back and forth...

And pounces on it, biting it.

Plushie looked down, blinking, then an deranged grin came across her face. "Ehee!"

"Oh...My gods..." Black said, her eye twitching as Gackt yanked on it and rolled onto his back, purring as Plushie rubbed his tummy affectionately.

Totosai was utterly scarred by the incedent thus far.

"OOOO-KAAAAY..." Black turned around, eye still twitching. "I'm just gonna go now...for a bit." She drifted off for a moment before pausing, "Maybe I'll bring back a bone when I do..."

Plushie didn't seem to mind that thought, "I am kinda hungry..."

Gackt suddenly sat up, shaking his head. "Sorry. That happens."

Plushie giggled. "Must be a vampire side affect."

Black stopped again. "Then what in all the Hells might a werewolf side-affect be like!"

Plushie released yet another sinister, plot-birthing smile. "I dunno; let's find out!" She turned around, marching the opposite direction the way they came.

"Bad thought." Gackt said in awkward-engrish to Black.

She smirked, "No, no; I think I'm fine with that..."

"HOLD HIM DOWN!" Plushie screamed, pointing at Mana.

Totousai, Black, and Gackt all looked at Mana, simultaneously shouting: "How the hell did YOU get here?"

Mana shrugged, "Same way as Gackt."

Plushie giggled, and her eyes were now gold instead of grey. "Wee!"

"GET 'IM!" Bankotsu came runnning up, Jakotsu in tow.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU CREEP! GIVE ME BACK MY BRA!"

Plushie had already doubled over in hyserics, Totousai and Black were just blinking.

"You three are even more iffeminite than me." said Gackt.

Plushie was soon behind Gackt, and she snapped his thong strap against him.

"Ow." he said simply, and Plushie giggled.

"It's pink..."

"Really?" Jakotsu said, eyes wide. "I wanna try it on!"

Soon a whole crowd of people were gathered around gackt and his pink thong-iness.

Black walked up to Plushie, "How did you know that he even had one of those?"

The Ylfinger grinned. "I'm the one that put it on him."

"...I should have known as much." She shuddered. "Did that event, by any chance, happen during one of those oh-so-wonderful 'Vampire side-effects'?"

"Oh yeah..." Plushie said, a grin on her face as she re-lived the expirience.

Black sighed. "Again, I should have known..."

They looked back over to Jakotsu, who was still trying to get the pink thong off of Gackt, Bankotsu, who was still trying to get his own article of clothing away from Mana, and Totousai, who was...being Totousai and just standing there, hitting random people with random objects.

Black looked over to Plushie, "Is this going anywhere? I mean...was this supposed to happen?"

"No, but it's still really amusing."

"True."

"We really should write ourselves somewhere else."

"Yeah..."

Plushie rolled her eyes. "I meant YOU."

"Urgh..." She sighed, "Fine."

-

-

So there's your first full chapter of utter chaos. Revel in it.

So what situation will Black write us into? Will Plushie attach herself to YET ANOTHER person's leg?

We may never know...XD


	3. Thirst Was A Bitch

Author's notes: Watery places! We're sorry we haven't updated in a while, so… double feature! So continues the adventures of Plushie-chan and Blackeh!

Warning: Mild nudity in chapter.

-

-

The two found themselves in the middle of a darkened forest, the sound of rushing water nearby.

Plushie looked at her friend. "Where the hell is _this?" _

I was thirsty."

"Aha."

Plushie began to glance around, and Black could almost see the question mark above her head.

"What's wrong?"

"What's that sound? Thunder?"

Black grinned a little, "Hehe...I made it rain."

A downpour of rain began to fall on top of their heads.

"...nice, Blackeh."

"Hehehe...Eh, thirst's a bitch, though!"

"Can we just go somewhere dry?"

Suddenly, they heard a voice. "...Stupid human--ew..."

The women looked into the clearing to see Sesshomaru taking off his clothes in front of a hot spring.

"Ooo." both said.

Plushie then turned around, speaking to her friend in the woods.  
"Woah, you do realize your hair looks really black, right?"  
Black growled. "It's...brown..."  
"...I'm just saying---"  
"It's BROWN!" And by then Sesshomaru was behind them, raising an eyebrow at the two women in the woods.  
"Are you trying to spy on me?" Sesshomaru said, and he grabbed the taller one's face to point it in the direction of his.  
"I do realize that I am naked, but the fact that you insist on spying on me and being rather loud of it makes no difference to me anyways..."  
Black jabbed Plushie in the ribs as her eyes wandered down again.  
"Hehe...naked Sesshy..." Plushie giggled, and Black was ready to dissapear into her shadows once more.  
"...Fine. Watch me take a bath. See if I care," and with that, Sesshomaru broke out of the woods and wandered back into the hotspring.

Deciding on staying, Black turned to face her more-than-giddy friend. "In your 'dry' place, I imagine you made it quite wet." She noted Plushies near drooling expression.

"YOU are the one that wanted to make it rain in the first place. So there!"

"...point."

They turned again, seeing Sesshomaru wiggling 'junior' at them.

"OKami...It's just like when Darcia gets out of the shower..." Plushie sighed, a hand covering her face.

Black was far beyond the realms of wanting to write them out of this one. "I don't think this is going to work...shall we?"

Plushie giggles, rushing into hotspring, attacking the still-naked Sesshomaru.

"Blackeh! Come get 'im!"

Black smirked. "I think I might pass on this one."

"YOU KNOW YOU WANNA KILL HIM! now come feel his abs! They're so...nice..."

"...Uh-huh?" She turned, "You do that..." Laughing, she decided to go deeper into the woods for a few moments...and perhaps get a camera for black-mail purposes.

Black soon turned when a girlish scream was heard, but it wasn't Plushie.

"AHH! LET GO! LET. GO."

"NO! MINE!"

She sighed, "Kagome...Kikyou...you just cost me my blackmail."

Plushie (still soaked) came up from behind her; "Springer?"

"...yeah."

In unison:" COOL!"

Plushie wrung out a bit of her yukata. "Hey, Kagome, I think I saw InuYasha just over there. He was kissing Sango."

"WHAT!" she screamed, and she ran into the hotspring. Sesshomaru screamed again, "WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH YOU GIRLS!"

Plushie giggled insanely as Kagome started screaming protests at seeing Sesshomaru naked. Out of curiosity, Kikyou looked through the trees.

"Oo. Too bad InuYasha didn't get the better end of THAT trait..." she said, watching with a raised brow. Plushie, once again, doubled over.

Kagome screamed bloody murder, fists clutched, she sped over to where Inuyasha 'was'.

Black and Plushie had somehow managed to prepare a bag of popcorn, and sodas, sitting down in front.

"Is...that popcorn?" Kikyou asked, sitting down.

"Hey, who wants to bet how long it will take her to figure out InuYasha isn't over there?" Plushie asked her two companions, shoving popcorn in her mouth.

Kikyou took another bite, smirking, "I'd estimate...thirty minutes."

Black shoved a pile of money into both Plushie and Kikyou's hands. "I bet that for about thirty one."

She paused. "Now why can't I do that at home?"

"...I don't know," Kikyou said, shrugging. "Why can't I normally eat?"

Plushie giggled. "We are all SO ooc right now."

Kikyou grinned. "You have to realize how much I get paid to act the way I do for Takahashi."

"Really?" both women questioned with interest.

"Yeah. All of us. Except for Kagome. It's...Candid Camera, like that, except...We haven't had the heart to tell her she's on a set yet."

Black nearly spat out the Pepsi she was drinking, "OH! The poor thing!" And then burst out laughing.

"Oh, I feel so bad," plushie mocked, and then she doubled over laughing. "NOT!"

Kikyou nodded silently.

Black looked thoughtful for a moment though, "doesn't that mean that she really IS in love with him, though?" Snickering, Plushie took another bite.

Kikyou looked around. "Whatever happened to Sesshoumaru?"

"I dunno."

All looked around.

"So Black, who's next on the list?" Plushie asked, poking Black with a pencil.

"So what are you two trying to do, exactly?" Kikyou asked, leaning over Plushie's tare panda notebook with interest.

"Write a funny fan fiction."

"Mmm... I see."

Black counted lazily on her fingers, they had been over Totousai and both of the Inu-taishou's sons. "Well I'd say he'd be coming along in three...two..."

"Hey!"

"Koga-kun..."

"Right on schedule."

Plushie giggled some more. "This'll be interesting...but does anyone think she's found out he's not here yet?"

"Nope."

"...There goes about half of my savings."

All turned around to find a tall, shadowed figure looming over them.

"...Damn." Plushie cursed, counting on her fingers. "There hasn't been all that many times a Darcia has come for me."

* * *

Author's notes: So why is this guy here? Who knows… Maybe it's our next victim… 


	4. Of Moons And Wereplushies

Author's notes: Moo.

* * *

The noble rolled his (eye) for emphasis.

Black exchanged glances with the miko beside her.

Black looked up at the noble. "What happened to you, anyways?"

"I died and went to Feudal Japan. What about you?"

"We wrote ourselves in here." She gestured to herself and Plushie.

"Ah. Well then..." Darcia said, walking off.

Plushie just stood there, a dumb look on her face.

"Whatever."

Kikyou, who'd remained characteristically silent, "Well, I suppose he didn't take you somewhere, that's a good thing, isn't it?"

Black was currently patting Plushie's shoulder, mock sympathetically, "With her...no, it's not."

Plushie threw her face in her hands and began to sob 'he LEFT me!' rather loudly.

"There, there...You still have Gackt..." She looked around, "and...uh...maybe he's just playing hard to get."

Plushie sighed. "Gaku owns me,"

The woman holds up a contract. "See?"

"Paper." She smiled.

"No. Plastic."

"Ah."

"Yes."

"Very well then..."

Plushie grinned. "Gaku-sama foresaw any pyromaniacs that wanted to burn his contract."

"Oh, I see. Does that mean...?"

Plushie raised an eyebrow. "I don't understand where you're going with this."

Black laughed menacingly, having retrieved various hard and blunt objects, along with a lighter, matches, and a flamethrower. "Hehehe..."

After a few hours of a cackling shadow mistress and loud noises, the contract looks even...shinier.

"I can't believe it...not possible..." The woman looked at a loss, her lower lip trembling slightly. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS PLASTIC!"

Plushie shrugged, "I...well, think about it. It's GAKU contract."

"Yes, and?"

"Well, he's cool like plastic. And he's gonna take over the world. So his contracts can't just...MELT, damnit."

"...I hate you."

They glanced around: Kikyou had gone off somewhere; Koga and Kagome had left long before Black's advances on the offending contract had ceased.  
Plushie sighed. "Now what?

The other looked at her blankly. "..."

Thunder clapped in the distance.

"Don't you DARE start that up again, Blackeh..."

"..." The rain never came. "Happy?"

"Eh."

They sat for a while, on the hard ground until it started raining.

"You asked for it, black." Plushie said, and the other woman, out of the corner of her eye, saw a small black wolf take off running in the direction of a landed lightning strike.

"Oh what's that over there?"

"No, you're not getting me with that..."

"...Seriously, I think that's like Blue or something over there."

"What?"

Plushie stared limply at the ground.

Really limply.

"Plushie...you're a...a-alive, right?"

She looked up a little, dazed somewhat.

"What?" she said, and she picked up a plush wolf arm.

"Oh my gods. You're a plushie."

"No shit, sherlock."

Black paused, putting a finger to her chin, "hmmm...hmmm...interesting..."

She looked up with a bright smile. "Are you a fireproof plushie?"

Plushie nodded. "Yep. It's my werewolf side-affect. I'm a plushie, owned by Gackt. Of course I'm fricken fireproof."

"...Damn."

"Excuse me...?"

"Nah, it's just that I was having this weird mental image of raggedy Ann and the scarecrow... involving coffee..."

(Literally) Plushie raised a brow. "Uuuh-huuuh." she said, fluffing her own plushie arms like pillows.

Speaking of which, "You know, I'm in some serious need of some coffee...Wait...do plushies get exhausted?"

"...Nice."

A whirlwind appeared, "Was that your doing?"

"No..." Plushie replied, pointing to Kagura. "That was her."

Black turned to face her. "...I thought you died."

"I thought you were alive." Kagura said, raising an eyebrow.

Black grinned. "I was."

Plushie turned to her, "Ew."

The grin faded. "What?"

"That...ain't right."

Plushie pointed to a pile of decaying human flesh increasing beside Black.

"Huh. What do ya know..."

"That...it smells like..."

* * *

Author's notes: So… What's Plushie smelling? You'll all have to find out next time; whenever we feel like posting it! (Next week, it's all up, we're just evil…) 


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